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May 10th, 2010 by admin

Court went well, we were acquitted on all charges. The long arm of the law tried it’s hardest but our message of hate shall resume.

Thanks for being patience, the death threats were at a minimum. New bitches have been submitted and we are picking out new candidates as we speak.

Time in jail wasn’t that bad, still have my butt cherry.

More posts are on the way.

March 18th, 2010 by Spencer

A few days ago we were contacted by a guy who was upset because we posted a picture of his bitch on this site:

Remember her?  What a pretentious bitch!

She’s dumb as fuck, and so is the idiot who contacted us on her behalf.  For the benefit of our loyal readers and bitch-hating fans around the globe we’re going to embarrass these kids by showing you the bullshit they sent us.

First of all, this guy sends us an email last friday:

Hi, I’d like to make a request for you to remove one of the submissions made last year.
It’s of the girl you titled ‘Pretentious Bitch’.

Here’s the link.
pretentious-bitch/

She submitted herself a while back for a joke to see what you guys would say about her and she died last week in a car accident.
It’d be very much appreciated by her friends and family if you could remove the article, it’s probably not the best way we want her to be remembered.

Thanks again.

Being the caring folks we are at GirlLooksLikeABitch we were deeply concerned with the mention of death and that one of our stories might be causing undue distress to a family during bereavement.

So, in accordance with our policy we consulted the GirlLooksLikeABitch magic 8-ball to figure out what to do.  It told us to write back to the guy explaining that we think his story is probably bullshit and to ask for proof of death.  You know, like a scanned funeral pamphlet or something:- The 8-ball knows that there are a lot of bullshitters out there who’d sell their own kids to get their bitch pic off our site.  I think it likes to be absolutely sure of it’s facts and so do we.

So we wrote back to the kid asking for proof.  This is what we got back:

Well everything seems to be in order.  I should make a public apology…
Wait… Lieutenant Columbo wants to speak to me…

“There is just one more thing Sir…  I couldn’t help noticing the image size is 500×329.  Mrs Columbo does a lot of web design and she tells me that’s a very unusual image size Sir.
If I was going to steal an image of a funeral pamphlet from I guess there must be hundreds or thousands to choose from.  What if I stole the image and didn’t bother to change the size.  Then that 500×329 would act like a fingerprint Sir.”

Turns out, of the many images of funeral pamphlets on Images, there is only one that’s 500×329:

Of course, they could have just had funerals at the same place with the same style of pamphlet.  Yes that’s probably what happened.  Wait… Columbo wants me to look at the creases in the paper…

The creases have been highlighted on the 2 images and then turned red to add tension and drama.
As you can see, the marks are in all the same places because the image of the pamphlet was copied.

The lazy fucker didn’t even bother to change the names:  same Reverend officiating, same honorary pallbearers, same pallbearers.. everything’s the same except for the obvious bits that have been photoshopped by an idiot.  It’s like the shit you’d get if you asked the old lady next door to edit it for you after she downed a bottle of gin.  Nice job.

Aside from being disrespectful to Mr. Johnson, Sr. and his family by using his genuine memorial service pamphlet this shows why this nasty bitch belongs on this site. She’s a low-life, her friends are low-lifes and between them, they couldn’t bullshit their way out of a paper bag.

The humiliation must be unbearable.  Her picture’s going nowhere and must remain on this site for life.

February 21st, 2010 by admin

Redheads come in two flavors. Hot or puke…

Fire Crotch, Carrot Top, Fire Engine, Bluey, Rosetop, Tampon Tops, Firetop, Siren, Cigarette or whatever you call them. Gingers are a unique evil breed of bitch.  Gingers, like most Irish girls, use sex as a tool to get what they want. What they want all depends. Sometimes they want to make Daddy upset. So they go down the local bar and pick up a black guy. Sometimes they want to piss off an ex-boyfriend or current boyfriend. So they go down the local bar and pick up a black guy. Sometimes they want to make a  guy jealous. So they go down the local bar and pick up a black guy. Sometimes they want to get a good grade in African American studies. So they go down the local bar and pick up the black teacher. Sometimes they want to get a better rate on their credit card. So they arrange a time and place to meet up for a quickie with the credit card guy, and then go down the local bars and pick up a black guy so they can feel something because you can run a marching band out of that vagina with all the black guys she’s been sleeping with since she was 11.

Redhead Facts

• They bleed more.
• Redheads are more prone to being deaf due to a deal made with Satan.
• Carrot Top hates you so much he came up with a stand up routine that is horrible but you will spend a hour or so watching.
• Adolph Hitler reportedly banned the marriages of two redheads as he feared their children would be “deviant” offspring.
• Redheads get their color from unclean sex while a woman is going through he menstruation period.
• Since bees can sense evil, they are more likely to sting a red headed person.
• Corsica, if you pass a redhead in the street you are to spit and turn around.
• A Russian Proverb warns “There was never a saint with red hair.”
• Redheads taste like iron.

Redheads really scare this shit out of me. I had second thoughts about writing this article. Most Irish girls are too busy praying, and popping out kids the off time from being beaten by their husbands to be evil.  A red headed girl is off having sex with your father and dreaming up the most evil way she can tell you and the rest of your family at Thanksgiving while talking you into raising the half  black kid she fired out last week.

The nickname “Siren” is very appropriate due to the fact that half of all redheads are irresistible.  If you aren’t careful you’ll find yourself tied to a bed with her trying to stick a needle in your ear.

January 20th, 2010 by Spencer

Some people like to do yoga naked from the waste down…  It’s called mental illness.

Don’t know about you, but like this bitch, I like to really feel the breeze through my ass crack when I’m meditating, although I doubt her copy of “Spirituality For Dummies” said anything about taking pants off.

Living with a crazy bitch is never easy.  Her husband left her in 2003 for a normal woman who will put out without having to wait for the astrological go ahead from Mercury and Uranus.

Being dumped came as a shock – the tarot didn’t mention it, so these days she steers clear of romantic involvement… although she does flick her bean to a Fox News anchor who has convinced her that global warming is fraud.

She also has an 11 year old son who she embarrasses by saying stuff in front of his friends like “urine is good for the skin” and “did you remember to take your worm medicine?”.

Her erratic thinking is encouraged by her friends who produce dizzy online tutorials or “random yoga-is-yummy videos” as they are known on the streets of America:

Hey wake up, it’s finished.  This clip proves what we’ve been saying for years:
It IS possible to move like a yoga jedi, learn innovative ways to tie your church scarf AND lube up a zucchini all in under 5 minutes…  So yeah, a big fuck you to all the doubters.

January 14th, 2010 by admin

That smile doesn’t cover up the fact that this bitch has Play-Doh machine hair.

When she’s not pretending that she reads books by wearing glasses, she’s busy passive aggressively getting back at all the boys that broke her heart by her sending pictures of her private areas to kids that were born in the 90′s. You know, kids that don’t know what Max Headroom is or the fact that tapes have two sides.  You can just tell by her Woody Allen looks she’s a real bitch. She’s the kind of girl that will feed you bullshit like anal sex is ok because it isn’t real sex or one day she’ll be on American Idol even though she’s real nasally. I just wonder where you could squeeze her to get a star shaped coiler to slide out her STD hole?

Her parents wasted twenty something thousand dollars on her communications degree. She’s still a hostess at the local Applebee’s do to her inability to pass a drug test and is the 46 year old manager’s live in girlfriend. He makes the insurance payments on her Geo Tracker in exchange for the sex he never got from his ex-wife. It’s no problem though because his ex-wife has already found a daddy for their kids and  he just got back from Afghanistan.