My story is quite lengthy,
so please bear with me. My story begins in 1968, when I was 3 years
old.�This is the time when I started knowing myself (gaining memory).�
It was at this time that I realized that my mother was a religious person.�After
all, we (me and my brothers and mother) went to "this place" with our
bibles and a bright pink book.�We did this several times during the
week.�It was also during this time that I have memories of my mom sitting
me and my brothers down with a big peach color book, teaching us bible
stories from it.�We were constantly told about God, his Son and some
group of people called the 144,000 who were supposed to be "best friends"
of Jesus.�We were also reminded that Jesus "best friends" were put in
charge of running the meetings.�Jesus put them in charge, so we have
to listen to them, trust them and love them, just like we do Jesus.�The
biggest reminder was, that we must always go to these meetings. If we
did not, we would be destroyed at Armageddon. It was reiterated constantly
that in order not to be destroyed we have to trust, listen and obey
the people at the K.H., especially those that talked to us from the
stage.�That's when the programming began.�Total trust in PEOPLE and an
ORGANIZATION, not Jesus and Jehovah.�Furthermore, what was really disgusting
about the programming was, that we were told that those people don't
do anything wrong. Just like we don't want to be destroyed, they don't
want to be destroyed.�Unfortunately, we believed that.�We always listened
to our mom.
Oftentimes, my parents (father eventually got baptized), would drop
me and my brothers over to my grandma's house to be babysat or just
to visit.�This is where the events unfold.�My aunt and uncle (who owned
the house) lived in the downstairs apartment.�My uncle (married to my
father's sister), always had a particular interest in me and me exclusively
out of the rest of the children (siblings cousins, etc.).� He always
would have his hands on me for one reason or another.�He would either
have me sit on his lap, throw me up in the air (since i am a tiny little
thing), wrestle, play tag, always some sort of contact. To me it was
just "playing".�Each time we went over to grandma's, my uncle became
more daring.�What used to be just a little playing, became something
different.�He started luring me downstairs to his apartment, telling
me that my aunt (his wife) had some goodies for me (candy, cupcakes
surprises).�Once we got down there, he would turn the TV on, say a
few things to my aunt and then sit me on his lap.�As I was sitting on
his lap, he would take my hand and have me place it on his penis.�He
would actually put his hand on top of my hand and squeeze, thus making
me squeeze his penis.�However, this action just wasn't enough for him,
he needed more.�He started taking advantage of every opportunity that
he could use, especially when my aunt went upstairs to check on grandma.�When
my aunt went upstairs, he would pull his penis out and put it near my
face and eventually in my mouth.�But, that still was not good enough,
he pulled my pants down and rubbed his penis on my vagina and he tried
to stick it in.�I was victimized with his behavior for four (4) years.�He
continually told me that what he was doing was good and we are just
playing.�Playing is fun, he used to tell me.�Throughout those 4 years,
I would periodically complain to my mother that my "gina" (vagina) was
hurting.�She would ask me why it was hurting. I would tell her that
it was from playing.�She would check me out and put me in a bath of
hot water and vinegar.�I guess my mom just didn't get it. I don't know.�
Throughout the 4 years, my uncle became bolder and bolder with his behavior.�It
got to the point that he no longer felt that he would have to take me
downstairs.� He would sit right on my grandmother's couch in her apartment
and sit me on his lap very meticulously.�No one could see that he was
fondling me and that I was holding his penis.�He would periodically
reach down and put his hand on top of my hand again.�He would also,
do other bizarre things in front of people.�My uncle performed these
hideous acts while he was known as the City Overseer.�Eventually they
changed the arrangements and made him the Presiding Overseer.�In 1972
he and his wife moved away!�The abuse stopped.�But the scars remained.
Only Lord knows exactly how long prior to my knowledge that he did things
to me.� All I know is that my subconscious (flashbacks) have continually
nagged me since 1987.�That's when I got married.�I tried to ignore them.�I
even tried to push them away (mentally). It didn't work.�There are just
too many scars.�There was a point though, in the 80"s around 1980-81,
that I confided in a cousin, who is also a JW.�She only stated that
she had always felt uncomfortable around him and that she knew that
something was wrong with him.
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Job h1s Yourabusedbitch teachings. When I was 19 I married a young man a non believer, although
he did study with my father and a few other brothers in the congregation.
He did like the fact that the man was in charge and that the wife and
women of the congregation held no positions of authority. It was not
soon after we were married that he began to beat me and verbally abuse
me. I reported my problem to another brother in our congregation (an
elder) he told me to be patient that my husband would come around. I
was told to continue on with my studies and go door to door and keep
up the good work, that my good example would change my husband. As the
years went on the beatings got worse, almost on a daily basis. When
our children were born he even abused them. I repeatedly went to the
elders and my own family for help, over and over again I was told to
stay with my husband and always told not to get the police involved.
Well after eight years of this I finally decided to leave my husband,
my own father admonished me not to... he told me that my divorce would
never be recognized by the organization. And that I would not be welcome
at his house for doing such and unquestionable act.�You see I had no
proof that my husband had committed adultery, not to say also that I
was so worn down by the abuse that I was forced to endure for eight
long years yet this was not enough proof to the organization that i
wanted out of that marriage. My husband had told me about his affairs
and each time I went to the elders with this they always told me I needed
written proof or two witnesses to his adultery ... please. I could not
believe that Jehovah god would want me to stay in such an abusive marriage.
My husband was always welcomed with open arms and hand shakes each and
every time he attended the meeting! Me I was put on private reproof
for� cursing! So I finally I left him even though I knew it meant losing
my family. I was disfellowshipped shortly after my divorce for what I
do not know. I refused to go to their meeting. I got out of and abusive
relationship one that I felt was going to result in my death and yet
I am the one who was punished by the organization. I lost my family.
Was told not to attend my fathers memorial when he died. I am still
to this day treated as though I have some incurable disease. If only
I had of listened to my heart all those years ago I would not have had
to live the abusive life i was forced to live in the JW organization.
And if their policies had of been different maybe my friend would be
still alive.�I have since married a wonderful man and he is not a JW
and never will be. He� and all my prayers to god are the�ones who helped
me get over the horrible night mares. And helped me believe in family
and love again. I will never understand a religion who preaches family
closeness can and will be the first to tear and family apart one piece
at a time. Two of my brothers one who was an elder have left the faith
also. And both live happy and very productive lives. The oldest of the
two resigned his eldership shortly after our father died ... his reason
is because of the way my self and my twin brother (who also is disfellowshipped)
was treated at our fathers death and are treated to this day. I know
that this lengthy but this is a wonderful thing that you are doing letting
others share their stories. God bless you and what you are doing to
change the policies of child abuse and any abuse for that matter in
the Jehovah's witnesses organization!�